do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
