I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I am available for nakedness
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
