I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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