You made me cry and you don't even care
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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