Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.