I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings