wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.