U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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