I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
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at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
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I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history