That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
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thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
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its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.