Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
