Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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