The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
