i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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