Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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