i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
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