I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
