Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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