Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
