I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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