hotel room ftw
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
