i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
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