Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
