If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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