if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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