what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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