Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Randomize
