I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
