I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
