You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
