There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
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