he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
