I'm sorry my penis didn't work
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
