Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize