She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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