He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
