I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
