i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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