haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
kristin has been a bad kristin
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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