You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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