clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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