A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
