My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
