speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
