Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
