You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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