how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
