On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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