I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
