What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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