I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
