I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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