So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
