Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Redeem this text for a blowjob
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize
