I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
