this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
