We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I met the friendliest cop last night
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
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