When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
