i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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