Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
