Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
