Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
