I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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