I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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