you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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