omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I'm jealous of your bromance
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Randomize
