You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
