he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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