Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I want her autograph on my taint
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
