HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
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Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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