I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Randomize
