she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
