textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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