dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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