We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
