I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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