omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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